Psalm 38 - Prayer in Time of Chastening (Cont'd.)

THE PSALMIST PRAYS:

My loved ones and my friends stand
  aloof from my plague,
And my relatives stand afar off.
Those also who seek my life lay snares for
  me;
Those who seek my hurt sepak of
  destruction,
And plan deception all the day long.

PSALMIST DORIS PRAYS:

My brothers and sisters and dear one
  stand at a distance from my sickness.
And my cousins turn their head.
Those who want me dead gather in groups;
They speak hurtful things of me and seek
  my demise.
And watch the hand of time all the day long.

THE PSALMIST PRAYS:
But, I like a deaf man, do not hear;
And I am  like a mute who does not open
  his mouth.
Thus I am like a man who does not hear,
And in whose mouth is no response.

PSALMIST DORIS PRAYS:
But, I am like a deaf woman, all is silent.
And I am liken to someone who has lost
   their tongue.
Thus I am like a woman who has no ears,
And from whose mouth no words are uttered.

THE PSALMIST PRAYS:
For in Your, O Lord, I hope;
You will hear, O Lord my God.
For I said, "Hear me, lest they rejoice over
  me,
Lest when my foot slips, they exalt
  themselves against me."

PSALMIST DORIS PRAYS:
For it is to you, O Lord, I turn;
You will listen, O Lord my God.
For I intuited, "See me, O Lord, before they do
  harmful things to me,
Lest when my hand misses its stronghold,
  they laugh over my gesture
  and put themselves over me.

THE PSALMIST PRAYS:
For I am ready to fall,
And my sorrow is continually before me.
For I will declare my iniquity
I will be in anguish over my sin.
But my enemies are vigorous, and they are
  strong;
And those who hate me wrongfully have
  multiplied.
Those also who render evil for good,
They are my adversaries, because I follow
  what is good.

PSALMIST DORIS PRAYS:
For I know I will transgress
And my hurt is always with me.
I will declare my transgression
I will be despondent over my wrongdoing.
But those who would cast me evil glances are near
And those who would do me harm, are many.
Those who would trodden me under
They are my enemy, because I go towards what
   is good.

THE PSALMIST PRAYS:
Do not forsake me, O Lord;
O my God, be not far from me!
Make haste to help me.
O Lord, my salvation!

PSALMIST DORIS PRAYS:
Do not abandon me, O Lord;
O my God, be by my side!
Make every good effort to help me.
My Lord, my salvation!
My love, my life.





















 






  

today is saturday

fine

Psalm 38 (Cont'd.) Prayer in Time of Chastening

THE PSALMIST PRAYS:

There is no soundness in my flesh
Because of your anger,
Nor any health in my bones
Because of my sin.
For my iniquities have gone over my
  head;
Like a heavy burden they are too heavy
  for me.
My wounds are foul and festering
Because of my foolishness.

PSALMIST DORIS PRAYS:

There is no vibrancy to my body
Because of your disdain,
My muscles lack strength
Because of my wrongdoings
For my ill-choosings have
  wrought havoc in my life.
Like a heavy weight they weigh me
  down.
My sores have an odor and are running
Because of my lack of foresightedness.  

THE PSALMIST PRAYS:

I am troubled, I am bowed down greatly;
I go mourning all the day long.  
For my loins are full of inflammation,
And there is no soundness in my flesh.
I am feeble and severely broken;
I groan because of the turmoil of my heart.

PSALMIST DORIS PRAYS:

I am in a quandry, I pace back and forth;
I am full of grief all the day long.
Inside my organs rumble
And there is no vibrancy to my body.
I am disoriented and terribly exhausted;
Long sighs escape from my lips,
  because of the deep hurt in my heart.

THE PSALMIST PRAYS:
Lord, all my desire is before You;
And my sighing is not hidden from You.
My heart pants, my strength fails me;
As for the light of my eyes, it also has
 gone from me.

PSALMIST DORIS PRAYS:
Lord, you know me.
My tremblings and hurt are an open wound
  before Your.
My heart races, my body fails me;
The aliveness in my eyes, it is gone.








    










 

tell us about a time in your life when you were fairly certain about a direction or decision you were about to take, but uncomfortable or fearful about the consequences for yourself. What mattered most to you? Who did you turn to for help? (125 words or less)

Please share your formal and informal educational background and major influences. (125 words or less.)

mom and dad
my sisters
catholic grammar school
catholic high school

mary rogers college -  theology
la guardia college - literature
mount st. mary college - creative writing
two other colleges -  where i took courses
school of court reporting.

major influences
catholic church
michael - my first love
maryknoll -
Transcendental Meditation
and
Contemplative Outreach

life as a court reporter

married life

and
all my children
and
my son Luke who was 20 when he passed.
and my grandchildren.

and also Full Circle - which is a conglomeration of
ex Maryknollers meet once a year- share a newsletter.

and also My Circle of Writing Friends - meet in
Bar Harbor for a ten day retreat, once a year.

Our enrollment process is limited to 180 students each year. If you are deemed a suitable candidate for our program, but we run out of enrollment space, would you accept an invitation to defer your enrollment by one year?

Yes.

. Do you have any concerns about your ability to participate in the program?.

No.

My daily schedule is CP (centering prayer 1 hour a.m.,)
followed by
my readings of various books.

I do the daily meditations.

read immortal diamond - three times.
part of my daily readings

read naked now
and have the tape

have read all the richard rohr books.

after my readings - I do my writing.

C.P. one hour in the p.m.

I swim and do Pilates.

early 1960's Bushwich Ridgewood Friends for Peace
1969- to present - mother - grandmother.

1974 - 1980 court reporter - workers compensation, family and criminal court,
1983 - 2010  family, civil, criminal supreme court reporter.
2011 to present - retired - writer.

volunteered
new york foundling hospital  1958-1960
maryknoll sisters 1960- 1962
hospice -1994 - 1998
make a wish - 2001 - 2003
religious ed teacher -  six years

presently:
grandmother, wife
reader, meditator, contemplative, writer

i don't have a social program outlined as of yet -

it was 90 degrees yesterday and -
while driving -
i saw a homeless man sitting on a guardrail
resting in the cool shade of a tree

he had white hair
a clean white bandage from wrist to elbow.
a new blue  hospital boot from toe to knee.
a tattered small red suitcase at his feet.

his face looked tired and worn
wished there was something i could do -
     ----------------------
Jaime, age 16 passed through criminal court
He wore an orange jumpsuit

his face looked tired and worn
wished there was something I could do -
   
    -------------------------------

I smile.

He passes me the bread
at the family dinner table.

Gratitude

My gratitude stirs me on

You made me O Lord

In thine image I am

You hunt me - O Lord
 like the fox hunts its prey

I hide -
 but you find me in the shadow.

I am yours O Lord
 you know it
 I know it
 the forest knows it
 the atoms know it

till I rest in your embrace
 I will hide and you will seek
 and that's the way it is.

Mary and Elizabeth

Mary and Elizabeth were cousins.
The young and the old.
They shared one thing in common
  To each a child was to be born.

Mary visited Elizabeth.

Oh, what they might have said
on that fateful day.

One can only imagine.

The babe in Elizabeth's belly heard Mary's voice
and in an instant knew the Christ child was near..
A stirring was felt in Elizabeth's womb
and her babe lept with  joy.

For the time being now the two Jesus and John
  traveled in the waters of their mother's womb

One day they would meet in the waters
  of the Jordan

And John would baptize Jesus
 and their Heavenly Father would be proud.
 

Gratitude

I said I wasn't coming back
but I am having too good a time
not to revisit.

Psalm 35 (Cont'd.)

THE PSALMIST PRAYS:

Let them not rejoice over me who are
  wrongfully my enemies;
Nor let them wink with the eye who hate
  me without cause.
For they do not speak peace,
But they devise deceitful matters
Against the quiet ones in the land.
They also opened their mouth wide
  against me.
And said, "Aha, aha!
Our eyes have seen it."

PSALMIST DORIS PRAYS:

Lord show them no mercy, those who
 gloat over me - they are my enemies;
Nor let them mock me with the eye
 that would cast hardened looks my way.
For they have no joy - only hate.
They stir up problems in the family
They use their mouths to form words of deceit
  against me.
And wag their tongues ever against me
  saying vile things are indeed true.

THE PSALMIST PRAYS:
This You have seen, O Lord;
Do not keep silence.
O Lord, do not be far from me.
Stir up Yourself, and awake to my
  vindication.
To my cause, my God and my Lord.
Vindicate me, O Lord my God, according
  to your righteousness;
And let them not rejoice over me.
Let them not say in their hearts, "Ah, so
  we would have it!"
Let them not say, "We have swallowed him up."

PSALMIST DORIS PRAYS:
You have eyes to see, O Lord;
Let your being stir.
O Lord I know you are aware.
Awaken and come to my aid.
Be my trumpet and sword.
Slay the wrongdoer.
Let them know what it is
 to awaken your wrath.
You are the protector of the wronged.
Let them not think, "We have obliterated him."

THE PSALMIST PRAYS:
Let them be ashamed and be brought to
  mutual confusion
Who rejoice at my hurt;
Let them be clothed with shame and
 dishonor
Who exalt themselves against me.

PSALMIST DORIS PRAYS:
Let them be cowered and be brought to
  mental disdain
Those who would rejoice at my troubles;
Let them see what it is like to invoke your ire
Strike them from their horse
Let them wallow in the mud.
Those who laugh at me -
 let them know at last the pain in their own bones

I pray let them see O'Lord.
Let them know beauty
Let them know kindness.
Ever in your debt O'Lord.
Ever in your mind.

THE PSALMIST PRAYS:
Let them shout for joy and be glad,
Who favor my righteous cause;
And let them say continually,
"Let the Lord be magnified.
Who has pleasure in the prosperity of His
 servant."
And my tongue shall speak of Your
 righteousness
And of Your praise all the day long.

PSALMIST DORIS PRAYS:
Let them exclaim with good tidings,
 Who are for me;
Let them raise their voices continuously
 "That you O'Lord be praised on end
Who has riches and kindness on end."
And my voice shall ever be raised in praise
 of Your righteousness
And of Your glory all the day long.

Where no Man shall boldly go.

Where no Man shall boldly go.

Of my own doing I couldn't go there.

I go from room to room -
 some might say I was roaming -

I take a few steps -
 stop -
my senses are aware
 I tentatively listen.

My back is straight
 hands paused in flight
fingers to lips
 quiet they say.

I hear you O Lord
My mind muffled now
A heavy curtain pulled on thought.

Stillness.

There is a ripple
I know this stirring

Eyes wide open
My breathing diminishes

I have arrived.

Longing has occurred
Desire has been met
We are enchanted you and I
For eons it has been this way.
and for now it is enough.

Humanity will have its way.
The Divine waits.  

Who do you say that I am?

Who do you say that I am, Doris?
You are Yahweh - the Holy One.
Who do you say that I am, Doris?
You are sweetness - My Lord.
Who do you say that I am, Doris?
You are Master - My Lord.
Who do you say that I am, Doris?
You are Jesus, second person, Son of the Living God.
Who do you say that I am, Doris?
You are the Beloved.
Soul of my soul.
Spirit of my spirit.
Blood of my blood.
My sinew and bone.
You are my Life, My love, My Beloved, My Betrothed, My Desire, My Allure.

You are me and I am you.

allured

You desired me O'Lord
 You allured me O'Lord

  I wept
  I am yours.

Song of Songs

O God I know you love me.

Your life force is boundless and unending

It reaches down to me

Pulls me in like quicksand

I wiggle and pulsate
I lose my breath

Your calmness soothes me.
Your tenderness warms me.

In an instant our love is shared.

O God you know I care for you
and it is my life's work to show my love
for you.

You love me
and
I love you.

Psalm 35 (Cont'd.)

PSALMIST PRAYS:

Ruthless witnesses come forward;
   they question me on things I know nothing about.
They repay me evil for good
   and leave my soul forlorn.

PSALMIST DORIS PRAYS:

Mean spirited people cast aspersions my way;
   they say things to do me harm.
They are full of fear and dislike
   and leave my spirit heavy in heart.

PSALMIST PRAYS:

Yet when they were ill, I put on sackcloth
  and humbled myself with fasting.
When my prayers returned to me unanswered,
I went about mourning
  as though for my friend or brother
I bowed my head in grief
  as though weeping for my mother.

PSALMIST DORIS PRAYS:

Yet when they were in need, I found a way
  to lessen their burden.
When my prayers fell on deaf ears,
 I was anxious and heavy of heart,
  depressed because I didn't know what to do.
I sat in silence alone with my grief
  I wept tears of hurt that you would turn from me.


PSALMIST PRAYS:

But when I stumbled, they gathered in glee;
 attackers gathered against me when I was unaware.
They slandered me without ceasing.
Like the ungodly they maliciously mocked
  they gnashed their teeth at me.
O Lord how  long will you look on?
  Rescue my life from these ravages,
  my precious life from these lions.
I will give you thanks in the great asembly;
  among throngs of people I will praise you.


PSALMIST DORIS PRAYS:

I fell and they stood over me smiling;
 sinful people made a circle around me.
They called me names unending.
These were people spoiled of life
  souls that lost their love
  they knew no shame
  their teeth clicked unending and their
  tongues heavy with noise smacked their lips.
They enjoyed my distress.

O My God how long will you stand by?
  Lift me up out of this treacherous
  stream of lies -
  Save me from the roar of the ungodly.
I will forever prostrate myself at your feet
  and sing your praises to the multitudes.

No Answers

I was driving my car
in 95 degree weather
when I stopped  for a light
.
Turning my head slightly to the left
I saw a man with white hair
 sitting on a guardrail. resting
 under the shade of a tree.

Once somebody's son I thought.

His arm had a white cast from wrist to elbow
His leg was encased in a blue boot from ankle to knee.
A small red suitcase lay at his feet.

His face was tired and worn
I wished I could have helped him.

Once a boy of 16 came through criminal court
He wore an orange jumpsuit.


His face was tired and worn
I wished I could have helped him.

Now he sits at my dinner table.

and I call him Son.

Psalm 35 (continued)

THE PSALMIST PRAYS:
Since they hid their net for me without cause
  and without cause dug a pit for me,
may ruin overtake them by surprise --
   may the net they hid entangle them
   may they fall into the pit, to their ruin.
Then my soul will rejoice in the Lord
   and delight in his salvation.
My whole being will exclaim,
  "Who is like you, O Lord?
 You rescue the poor from those too strong for them,
   the poor and needy from those who rob them."

PSALMIST DORIS PRAYS:

Since they laid a trap for me without merit
  and dug a hole for me to fall into
may calamity overtake them by surprise --
  may the trap they laid take hold of them
  may they fall into the hole, to their dismay.
Then my spirit will rejoice in the Lord
  and  be happy in adulation.
My whole being will cry out,
 "O Lord there is no other like unto you.
You come to the aid of one who is overcome,
  the thirsty and needy from those who would harm them."

PSALMIST DORIS PRAYS:

O Lord my soul cries out in adoration.

This creature bows before you
ever in supplication.

You grant her every wish -
as it would seem to her earthly eye -

She wishes to thank you -
for your kindness and generosity.

The words you whisper in her ear
are ever held with great sincerity.

She adds with a little humor and
 ever in adulation - please keep
 the lines of communication open -
 so that she may ever always honor
 you with the written word -
 if it be only your sole desire

She knows - and I know you know - 
I loved you then
and I love you now.







.

















 

Psalm 35 (continued.)

PSALMIST PRAYS:

May those who seek my life
  be disgraced and put to shame;
may those who plot my ruin
  be turned back in dismay.

PSALMIST DORIS PRAYS:

May those who dishonor my name
  be found out for the liars they are;
may those who cast dispersions my way
  find themselves at the bottom of their deadly pit.  

PSALMIST PRAYS:

May they be like chaff before the wind,
  with the angel of the Lord driving them away;
may their path be dark and slippery,
  with the angel of the Lord pursuing them.

PSALMIST DORIS PRAYS:

May they be like the dust in a windstorm,
   with the angel of the Lord's sword a shadow on their back;
may their footing be treacherous and blinded,
   and may they hear the hooves of the angel's steed
   ever in their ears.
.  

july 14th sunday's call

There is some kiss we want with our whole lives,
 the touch of spirit upon the body.

 The kiss of death we look forward to our whole lives,
   the touch of divine upon the body.

  We struggle
  We wiggle
  We storm
  We accept
  We go with the flow -
   the acceptance of the inevitable
   is a freedom not withheld.

So many of us do battle with life

We go to sleep in death,  inhaling the old --
 We wake up in life exhaling the new --

Psalm 35 of David

PSALMIST SAYS:

Contend, O Lord, with those who contend with me;
   fight against those who fight against me.
Take up shield and buckler;
   arise and come to my aid.
Brandish spear and javelin
   against those who pursue me.
Say to my soul,
   "I am your salvation.."

PSALMIST DORIS PRAYS:
O Lord, you know me.
You know those who would harm me
  better than I know them myself.

Take issue with them O Lord.
Put on face armor and breastplate
  and come to my defense.

Threaten them with sword and spear
  be in their face -

Say to them in loud and clear voice
  "I am her protector."

Say to my soul,
  "I am with you in the depths of your being,
     I am yours always forever vigilant.
     Have no worry.

I hear your voice O Lord in the depths of my being

The Lord says:

Lift up your face Doris
close your eyes 
  I see your heart searches for my embrace
  I am inside you always - just waiting for the turn of
   your thought.

  A turn of the atom and now I am in your thought and you are always in mine.

  I love you and you love me - that's how it is
 
  alas
  O Lord
 
  I think
  how pungent
  how human
  how divine

and in a nanosecond
 the breath of a heartbeat - a whisper
 that is all it takes 
 we meet -
  like forever the dawn meets the day
  and we are one.



  
 

Psalm 34

THE PSALMIST 

The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous
   and his ears are attentive to their cry;
the face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
    to cut off the memory of them from the earth

PSALMIST DORIS SAYS:

The gaze of the Lord is ever on me
   and his ears are ever attuned to my whisperings;
the face of the Lord is turned toward my enemies,
   he blocks out their memory from my mind.

THE PSALMIST

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them:
   he delivers them from all their troubles.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
  and saves those who are crushed in spirit.


 PSALMIST DORIS PRAYS:

My soul cries out, and my Beloved hears me;
   he delivers me from all my tremblings
.The Beloved clasps my broken heart and warms it
  with his own.  
My tremblings cease and my heart soars.

THE PSALMIST

A righteous man may have many troubles,
  but the Lord delivers him from them all,
he protects all his bones,
  not one of them will be broken,

PSALMIST DORIS PRAYS:

A good woman may have many troubles,
   but the Lord oversees and protects
   all her comings and goings
   not one will harm her
   his comfort is her protection. 

THE PSALMIST:
Evil will slay the wicked;
  the foes of the righteous will be condemned
The Lord redeems his servants;
  no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.

PSALMIST DORIS PRAYS:
Evil has its own reward;
  the enemies of the righteous will fall into a dark hole.
The Lord looks after his servants;
  no one will fall into the darkness who seeks the protection of
 the Beloved.

Purpose

My purpose is to adore God - in doing this -
 be like a tree, a flower, a blade of grass,
  dew on a petal , the breath of a cougar.

What is God?
  God is nature, being, humans, the earth, the Cosmic Christ.

My purpose is to be present in this play of dynamics -
 to do nothing.

I don't have to do anything
I'm just there.
From being there things progress.
I'm in it  - but out of it

Today what do I do?
I used to think that if I was truly evolving as a human being
I would be a better weight.  Eat the right foods.  And think
good things.

Well, I seem to be at some point now -
I meditate.
I read.  Read a lot. 
Write.
Swim - and drink wine still - and yell at  John when he doesn't remember.

Well, I'm  eating better.

So, maybe I am evolving.

See where I am same time next year.

I don't really need a social purpose.
I don't have to convince anybody of anything
 and I have no great truth.
No great novel or story.

I am just am what I am.
Don't get me wrong I still write -
 but I have been thinking lately of a plan for the coming year-
 and it probably has to do with what I believe.

Swimming gets rid of stress and tones my body.
Pilates gives me strength.
And meditation loosens up my unconscious -
how can there be something in nothing - but there is.

THE END

Psalm 34

THE PSALMIST SAYS:
I sought the Lord, and he answered  me;
  he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant;
  their faces are never covered with shame
This poor man called, and the Lord heard h im;
  he saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him,
 and he delivers them.

PSALMIST DORIS SAYS:

I seek the Lord in my daily prayers;
  at the time he delivers me from all my fears.
Those who trust in him are fearless,
  their face has no blemish.
This poor woman called, and the Lord listened,
  he saved her from her shakiness.
It is true the angel of the Lord, puts his pionions around those who
  fear him, and he delivers them.

THE PSALMIST SAYS:
Taste and see that the Lord is good;
  blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
Fear the Lord, you his saints;
  for those who fear him lack nothing.
The lions may grow weak and hungry,
  but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

PSALMIST  DORIS SAYS:

I have tasted you O' Lord and know that you are good;
  blessed am I when I take refuge in you.
This lowly woman bows down before you in awe O'Lord.;
  you know this creature -  she loves you.
The cougar grows weak from hunger - his breath is labored,
  I who dare to say I love you lack no good thing.

THE PSALMIST SAYS:
Come, my children, listen to me;
  I will teach you the fear of the Lord,
Whoever of you loves life
  and desires to see many good days,
 keep your tongue from evil
  and your lips from speaking lies.
Turn from evil and do good;
 seek peace and pursue it.

PSALMIST DORIS SAYS:
Come, Doris, walk with me.
 I will show you the true awesomeness of  of the Lord.
Whoever of you loves your daily comings and goings
 and desires to see the sunrise and sunsets of many years,
keep silence when an evil tongue would speak
 and lock your lips from forming untruths.
Keep an ever vigilant watch of your mind;
  seek only peace and pursue it with a wholehearted heart.
  for only ever in a steadfast watchfulness is the fear of the Lord
  given true birth.
 

Psalm 34

THE PSALMIST
 
  I will extol the Lord at all times;
   his praise will always be on my lips.
  My soul will boast in the Lord;
   let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
 Glorify the Lord with me;
   let us exalt his name together.

PSALMIST' DORIS

 The Lord is ever in my heart;
   each breath I draw says his name.
 My soul will rest in the Lord;
   let the weary and trodden of soul
     hear the song of songs -
     Yahweh is his name.
  Bow down before your creator;
    let your heart leap with joy
    let us each one praise his name together. 

hope

psalm 33 -

THE PSALMIST

We wait in hope for the Lord;
  he is our help and our shield.
In him our hearts rejoice,
  for we trust in his holy name.
May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord,
  even as we put our hope in you.

my thoughts -
 despite my own unwillingness and desires
I put them aside to listen to you,
 your desire -
I love you and I always will.


PSALM OF DORIS

I wait with absent notice of breath for the Lord;
  he is my only hope.
In him my heart beats loudly
  for my trust is ever locked in his holy name.

My lips tremble and my mouth gives shape to the formless
 Yahweh is his name.

May your unfailing love rest upon me, O Lord,
  even as my creature ly desire rises to meet you
  if only in in the hope of my heart.       
 

perspective

If I ask:  "What is eight divided in two?" the mathematically inclined will answer
without  hesitation:  "Four."
However, someone more visually oriented might see an eight divided in the
middle horizontally and say:  "Two zeros."  Or looking at it another way,
divided vertically might say:  "Three."  It is a matter of perspective, of
different ways of seeing.
The most basic foolishness we can be dominated by is the foolishness of
self-satisfaction..

   Taken from  Lectio Divina by Basil Pennington.  Page 14-15.

Memory Two-i hope it wasn't too presumptious of me.

what would happen if i put myself in
jennifer's memory of her aunt and
uncle's dishes.

really

i'm not there.

but if i think about it - i can put myself there.

i am an invited guest at the dinner table.

jennifer has invited me as a friend to dinner.

her aunt brings out the dishes

and I watch her place them with attentive care
on the white tablecloth dining room table.

she loves these dishes

and is proud to show them off.

 jennifer smiles at her aunt
she feels so loved and comforted here.

she always has a good time.
and the food is great.
it looks so inviting on her aunt's dishes.

jennifer's aunt is so proud of jennifer
that's why she brings out these dishes
when Jen comes over.

it's almost as if the dishes communicate
her feelings of warmth and attention.

jennifer knows this
in her heart she knows her aunt loves her.
she smiles
doris smiles.
she likes it here too.
she's glad she came and jennifer invited her into
her memory.

now -it's doris' memory also.
thank you, jennifer.

memory

i;m doing a thing on memory.

somehow my memory got jogged
because of the last call.

today i did c.p. and before i got
settled in - my mind wandered to
memory.

can i use someone else's memories.
can i put myself in someone's memories.

can i make up memories.

can i fix memories
 - or change them.

i tentatively think i can do all these things.

but in reality what does that mean?

the shortest path

sometimes the shortest path
is the longest journey.
           by doris

The End of Life

At the end of my life
 I am raised up into the life of Christ
 I am immersed in God
                            become God
 but do not lose my individualtiy.

sometimes I think at that point
 I wouldn't care if I ceased to exist

but the thought is only momentary

Theresa of Avila

O' Teresa of Seven Mansions

Yes, you wrote of your Interior Castle

Yes, you wrote of your Seven Mansions

The first three are all about us
 and our strivings to enter the chamber
 of His Majesty.

The last four mansions - we seem to be able
 to do nothing about - it's all God's doing
 which in itself seems unfair.

So unfair -

Why would God seek out someone the likes of me
 to share his life with

I ask myself
Why indeed?

Lectio Divina

Psalmist Doris Says:
My eyes are tired O Lord
 soon I will go to bed and
 think soft thoughts of the next day.

You are ever in my mind
  a gentle haze beyond my eyes

I smile when I think of you and sleep overtakes me
for you  bring delight to to the theater of my shaded eyes..

I go to sleep with the thought of
 you on my lips - I know you will
 be there to welcome me when I
 wake up.

I smile for you are ever on my mind

St. Valentine's Day

called the allergist doctor
appointment 2-20-13
at 2 o'clock.

386-252-6622
353 North Clyde Morris Blvd.

The Simplest

sometimes the fastest way
to someone's heart is the
shortest path.
          by doris

but the trick is finding
that path.
 
 and again
        by doris.

A Sinner

O' Lord look down upon me a sinner
 your humble servant

I bow before thee.
I love to prostrate myself at your feet

These feet
that my eyes just barely see the tips of
your toes from my position on the floor

I look at them

and my hand reaches out
inches its way towards your sandal

you reach down and touch my shoulder

i dare not look

you who are the chosen one
have dared to put your gaze on me

it's so warm and tender

that it burns a hole in my heart

i close my eyes

and then i wake up.

Nothing

It is better to intuit nothing
than to know everything
           by doris

humility

you know god in her mercy gives us
many insights -  but yet if we don't
have humility it is all for naught.
                by doris

When I was a Kid

When I was a kid
 I looked around and surveyed
  my situation.
 I thought to myself
  I'll never do anything marvelous --
 I won't stand out.
 So, I thought to myself there is one
thing you can do - that nobody else
can do --
  you can love god the best -
  you can be his best lover -

I was wrong.
I can't be his best lover.
There are others out there behind me, around me
and in the future who will love god the most
and the best --
that's for them to do.

god chose them to do that.
c
and she has every right to do that.

 me

im just ordinary
plugging away in my ordinary life
doing my ordinary things

loving god in only the pitiful human way i can
the doris way

amen

Psalm 32

The Psalmist Says:
 
When I kept silent,
  my bones wasted away
  through my groaning all day long.

  Psalmist Doris Says:

  When I don't ask your pardon
    my insides bear the anxiety
    through my lamentations all day long
    my stromach churns in dismay

The Psalmist Says:

   For day and night
     your hand was heavy upon me
   my strength was sapped.

Psalmist Doris Says:

   Through light and darkness
      your gaze was ever on me
      and tiredness laid heavy upon me
      and fatigue was my companion.

The Psalmist Says:

  Then I acknowledged my sin to you
    and did not cover up my iniquity.

Psalmist Doris Says:

   Then I acknowledged my transgression to you
     and did not hide my guilt..

The Psalmist Says:

   I said, "I will  confess
     my transgression to the Lord:"
   and you forgave
     the guilt of my sin.

Psalmist Doris Says:

   I said, " I will confess
    my indifference to the Lord"
   and you forgave
     the heaviness of my laden spirit.

knowledge

the pursuit of knowledge sometimes
gets in the way of knowing nothing
                         by doris.

Pilates

today i did some one on one
shoulders
abdomen
legs

felt good

lazarus

Jesus was outside of town with
his apostles when he received
a message from Lazarus' family.

MESSENGER:  Lord, the one whom you love
   is sick.
PETER:  Maybe we should go Master.
JESUS:  No, let's finish what we are doing.
PETER:  But the messenger sounds urgent.
JESUS:  We will go in three days.

The days past and Jesus and his apostles
and a few of the disciples preached and
taught in the neighboring towns.  Night came
on the third day.

JESUS:  Tomorrow we will go see Lazarus.

A mile from Lazarus house Martha met Jesus.

MARTHA:  Master the one whom you love has died.

Upon hearing this Jesus wept.

JESUS:  Tell Mary to come out.

MARY:  Lord, if you had been here the one whom you
loved would not have died.

JESUS:  He is not dead but sleeping.  It is the false self
that has perished.  Let us go to the tomb.

Jesus arrived at the tomb.   His apostles went inside.
Peter came out.

PETER:  He stinks, Lord.

JESUS:  Go and unravel his bindings.

The apostles did as they were told and Lazarus
came forth from the tomb.

JESUS:   Amen I say to you unless a man die
to the old self and become a new man he shall
not enter the kingdom of heaven.

(In actuality Jesus did not say the above at this
time - but that was the intent of the message
that he declared.)

God's Soul Mate

God's Soul Mate
Is a New Thought
I'll have to ponder
In the quiet of my heart.

Psalm 32

The Psalmist Says:
  Blessed is he
     whose transgressions are forgiven,
     whose sins are covered.
  Blesses is the man
     whose sin the Lord does not count against him
     and in whose spirit is no deceit.

The Psamist Doris Says:
   Blessed is she
     whose transgressions are forgiven,
      whose sins are covered.
    Blessed is the woman
      whose sin the Lord does not count against her
       and in whose spirit is no deceit.

Doris Says:
   O' Lord bless this woman
     who painstakingly seeks thee
     not to her own credit
     but the fact that you put the desire in me
     so I may seek thee every day of my waking life.

   You did this to me
    I know you did.

    Sometimes I think you think this is a joke
      that you tantalize me with your urgings
      Come on Doris - Come on -
      I know you can do it
      Question:  Why do you do this?
       Answer:  Like a father urging his young daughter on
                 giving her promptings and pushes in the
                 right direction - letting her fall and letting
                 her get up again -

                forever urging her on - to make a woman out of
                thee - the woman/soul that I know you are.



 

The Moses Code

The book said to  make a list
of things I want.

These are my choices..

Money
Writing
To be God's Soul Mate

Now
Pick the One that you Desire the  Most.

I picked Number 3
To be God's Soul Mate.

Ordinary

All right, so today is Sunday
around 9:30 I did my cp
which was of course bombarded
with thoughts - i'm so tired of thoughts
that I don't even want to think of them.

that makes a lot of sense, right?

well, i finished the c.p. and i was going
to go to the 11 o'clock mass and I wanted
to take a shower - well, the shower was
occupied - so I didn't get to take a shower.

waiting for the shower I laid on the bed
and I thought to myself --- I'm so ordinary
that it is pathetic.  i'll never be anything but
ordinary.   even my love for god is ordinary.
no fireworks in that department.

so, i said, well, i'm going to go to mass shower or no
shower.  so, I changed my clothes, got dressed and
off john and i went.

we made church just as theyare singing the opening hymn.

love this church.  love looking at the people.
anyway the priest was funny.  had a few funny jokes,
really, he did.

then he started talking about the gospel.

guess what it was about - ordinary -
being ordinary -
well, my ears picked up.

when christ started preaching his message,
people listenend and were interested in what
he had to say - until they realized who he was.

Isn't this Jesus?
Isn't he the son of the carpenter Joseph?

for 30 years he lived in their midst
an ordinary life, nothing out of the ordinary about him

helped his father
helped his mother
went to synagogue

but now
he was so ordinary that now the pharisees
sought to take his life.

it is kind of hard to believe that someone
so ordinary could have such a message.

so now ordinary doesn't sound so bad.
maybe there is something to it after all.
and ordinary aint so bad.



i just wish it had a little more pazzaz.



Seeeee ya


. 

Alabaster Jar

Lift up my heart to you O Lord
Take it and hold it close to thee

Feel it
Taste it
Smell it

Hold it in your gaze

Let the pungent odor of Mary's alabaster jar
fill my nostrils till my breath is swept away
in your thought

ahhhh

the perfume

Feel it
Taste it
Smell it

Thine heart and mine are one
beating in rhythm with the same breath

O Mary that I may be the alabaster jar that
you broke open and held over the head of the Loved One

May I be the perfume that he feels running down
his hair, soaking his beard and penetrating his clothes.


May I be the taste that meets his inward breath.

May I be the smell that surrounds him.

ahhhh

to have caused all this commotion


ahhhhh
to be that alabaster jar ---



  

Remembering

Remember to Remember Who We are.

I am remembering that I see through one I.
It comes in spurts
   comes in breaths
This I who I am.
I see through the face of the other.

In the quiet
    I am the stars
    I am the whisper of the wind in the dark.
    I am the spray of the sea.
    I lapse into nothingness.
    - I am -

Healing the Wound of Forgetting

Healing the Wound of Forgetting

Forgetting in the moment to feel compassion
                                       to quell the anger
                                       to put aside the  frustration,
                                       the judgment and inferiority of
                                       another

                 but then to see people in community
smiling, laughing, clapping, praying, adoring,
communing with one another
                  with their eyes, voice and touch
                  and then
  to be one with them in the sharing of a meal
  - that's healing the wound of forgetting.

Question:

Now I am wondering if the
thought in God's mind is
actually the I that always
was.

I Am

Now - Yesterday as a matter of fact 
I had an aha moment.

I existed before time.

How, I don't know.

I always thought I was born in time.
but
I, Doris, was born in time.

Before being born -
I always knew I was a thought in God's mind

As Doris I realize -
The I always was.

I am not my thoughts.
I am not my feelings.
I am not my emotions.

I look out of these eyes and I see.
I am the silent I within.
I am the see-er.
I am the witness.

When I go into the quiet
I look out of this face.

Now -
When I go into the quiet
I can become the sky.

When I go into the quiet
I am the stars.

When I go into the quiet
I am the I am.

Now -
I can do this in spurts
I can do this in glimpses.
I can do this in breaths.

It sort of stuns me.
That it actually happens
 and Now it creates a lot more questions in my life.

Anyway I am sharing my aha moment.

seeeeee ya
dorisssss

Money

O Lord I want to make the equivalent of money
It doesn't have to be money

Lavish me with your ideas
Send me your thoughts

Like a woman wearing loads of jewelry
 let me be laden with your created gifts

I don't need money
 - if tommy pays the Plus account.
 - if Lil Tom finds out what he wants to do with his life 
 - if Jaime gets that job he so much wants to have.

So, what I really need is for my children
 to be successful in their own right; 
 help them O'Lord in getting a  job and
 taking care of each other

For in actuality I have enough money
 if all my children fall in step and provide for themselves.

And I know my children can take care of themselves
 so if you would O'Lord grant me this one favor.
 As always I love you, and your will is most
 important to me.

hugggggs
Dorissss

Loving You

It always starts this way
Loving You
and
It always ends this way
Loving You

I can't help it
You bring joy to my soul
that I can't help but jump for joy
 there is a quickening to my breath
 and a dance to my step

I know the boundless peace of your sweet embrace
when I feel your presence and the perfume of Mary's
alabaster jar filters through the veil and your touch surrounds me.

Goodnight Jesus
I love you
and
You love me.

The Night

It is dark now
and the night is upon me

Soon I will shut my eyes
and my head will rest upon the pillow

Thoughts of you O'Lord fly through my mind
as the restlessness of the day meets
the quiet of the night in sleep.

What do I think about?

What did you think about as a boy growing up?
Who were your friends?
Did you have a special friend?
Did you have a girlfriend?
Was there a first kiss?
What kind of games did you play?
What did you want to be when you grew up?

When did you first find out that you were different?
When did you first find out you were God-man?
Were you scared?
What did your mother tell you?
Did she know?
Did she have an inkling?

Did you have any sisters?
Did you have any brother?

Were you a good fisherman?
What was your schooling?

What did your mother think?

Did you catch her looking at you this God-boy?

Tell me I want to know?

I want to write about it and only you can whisper it in my
ear.   When I do my contemplation put in a few thoughts
about when you were a boy.

A M E N

The Eucharist

I have heard it said
that when we eat of the Eucharist
it is likened to a married couple having sex
the two become one.

It is a ritual
It is cannibalistic

It is mystical
It is spiritual
It is out of the earthly plane
and into the realm of science fiction - almost
except if you have faith
it is belief
belief
that you O'Lord
are there for me to eat
belief
that two become one
and all that that implies

A God of Love

I adore you O'God
I prostrate myself at your altar

I give you my will
I give you my desire

All I want to do
All I wish to do
All I want to be
All I wish to be
 is a visible thought in the ponderings of your mind

Take me and mold me
Like a potter with her clay
or
Take me and melt me 
Like a smittie with his iron

I am yours
and that's all I want to be

thoughts

when christ was crucified

he hung on the cross naked and bare

his penis was visible
and his balls hung there

he hung in his nakedness and vulnerability
this  God of ours
for all to see

this man-god
who came to do good
and was kindness incarnate
was brutally pummled and beaten by
 thugs and vicious men who were jealous
 and without soul.

O Lord the women of the day
 watched in horror
 as someone they loved
 was tortured and shamed
 this god-man who came to save
 was hung like garbage
 and betrayed by man.

meanderings

the edge of the lake
is the round rim of my eye

your hem
is clutched in my hand
my fingers are tightly wound within the cloth

the ripples of the lake
are liken to the thoughts of my mind

your ponderings
are like scents of perfume that
tantalize my nostrils

the feathers of a small bird
are the tickle under my nose

the rays of the sun
are the specs of diamonds in your eyes

 your voice is liken to the choir of angels
that sing in church at christmas time

I watch you sit on the wooden park bench
your red hair snugly tucked beneath your
coat collar.

A knitted green beret sits joyfully lopsided
atop your head.

The wind comes and you cross the arms of
your tweed coat in front of you.

Black leather gloves shape your hands
and  you clutch an oversized print bag
that holds your possessions of the day.

Psalm

O Lord make haste to help me
I prostrate myself at your feet

My prayers are liken to the tears
that  I shed at my mother's funeral
Send me your thoughts
So I can write in words your ponderings

I am like a barren desert
 waiting for the manna of your words
I cry my tears,
 puddles could fill a lake

I know you can hear me
 for you are always within my reach

I beseech you to imbue my spirit
 with the tastings of your thought
 and I can write with exquisiteness
 the quickening of your feeling within my belly.

chapter three

getting ready to go skiing
her boyfriend doesn't want her to go

betsy thinks her boyfriend is too controlling.

betsy and lauren go to the ski lodge
lauren meets a handsome young man
who has a sense of mystery about him
his name is luke and he is at the ski
lodge on business.

betsy meanwhile has met a man from out of
state and is doing her own thing.

chapter two

girl's name is Lauren

she's a lawyer

works as a defense attorney

parking lot

her and the d.a. have a romance

working on a case
the mother who mummified her babies
when she was a teenager and a young adult

conflicted about it

her friend betsy wants her to go on a weekend
vacation skiing.

outline

chapter one

the girl wakes up in her bedroom

goes downstairs
makes her  breakfast and
outlines her day
phone rings
gets dressed

maybe she goes running or
has a dog that she walks

sees a neighbor
maybe she meditates before work
looks over the apartment and then leaves

Psalm 31

The Psalmist Says:

But I trust in you, O Lord;
  I say, "You are my God."
My times are in your hands;
  deliver me from my enemies
  and from those who pursue me.

The Psalmist Doris Says:

Oh God, I adore you;
  I say, "You are my champion."
In the palm of your hand, you hold my days;
  deliver me from those who would do me harm
  and from those who hunt me down.

The Psalmist Says:

 Let your face shine on your servant;
   save me in your unfailing love.

The Psalmist Doris Says:
Glance my way
  just one look will save me

The Psalmist Says:

 Let me not be put to shame, O Lord;
  for I have cried out to  you,
but  let the wicked be put to shame
  and be silent in the grave.

The Psalmist Doris Says:

 O Lord save me from those who would harm me;
   I cling to you as your child
 but let the naysayers be slain
   and their voices quiet forever.


The Psalmist Says:

Let their lying lips be silenced,
 for with pride and contempt
 they speak arrogantly against the righeous.

The Psalmist Doris Says
May their tongue be cut out
 lest they say evil things against your
chosen one.

The Psalmist Says:
How great is your goodness
  which you have stored up for those who fear you,
which you bestow in the sight of men
 on those who take refuge in you.

The Pslamist Doris Says:
How great is your storage house
  where you have piled high the good things of the earth,
which you give to those who call you Abba
  the children of  your making.


The Psalmist Says:
In the shelter of your Presence you hide them
  from the intrigues of men;
in your dwelling you keep them safe
  from accusing tongues.

The Psalmist Doris Says:

Your cloak protects them
  from the seeking eyes of their enemy;
in your abide you keep them protected
  from lashings of unbridled mouths that utter words
  foolishly.

The Psalmist Says:

Praise be to the Lord,
 for he showed his wonderful love to me
 when I was in a besieged city.
In my alarm I said ,
 "I am cut off from your sight!"
Yet you heard my cry for mercy
 when I called to you for help.

The Psalmist Doris Says:

All glory to you O Lord,
 praises be with you forever
 you were with me when I was brought low.
With a fearful childish voice I whispered
 "I am afraid.  My eyes are blind."
Yet you showed me mercy
  when I breathed your name.


The Psalmist Says:
Love the Lord, all his saints!
  The Lord preserves the faithful,
  but the proud he pays back in full.
Be strong and take heart,
  all you who hope in the Lord.


The Psalmist Doris Says:
Seek the Lord, all you sinners!
   The Lord sanctions those who are righteous,
   but the evildoer he repays with a vengeance
Therefore, be faithful and  take heart,
 all you who hope in the Lord.

A M E N:


 c

Psalm 31

The Psalmist

 I hate those who cling to worthless idols;
  I trust in the Lord.

Psalmist Doris
 There are those who seek fame, money
sex, art -
  the praises of those in their circle, the
clamor of empty voices
  but I trust in the Lord.

The Psalmist

I will be glad and rejoice in your love,
 for you see my affliction
 and know the anguish of my soul.

Psalmist Doris
  My affliction O Lord is my affection for you,
some do not count that as a curse - but my soul
knows no boundaries when it comes to you
and  you know what yearnings you stir up
as I search for you.

The Psalmist

You have not handed me over to the enemy
  but have set my feet in a spacious place.

Psalmist Doris
  You have not cast me into the unknown of
 my own doing, but instead have set my being in a
 field  of caring.

 The Psalmist

 Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress,
  my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
  my soul and my body with grief.

Psalmist Doris
  Look upon me with kindness O Lord, for you know
my heart,
  my eyes grow heavy with sleep
  my soul and my body  fatigue.

The Psalmist

My life is consumed by anguish
 and my years by groaning;
 my strength fails because of my affliction\
 and my bones grow weak.

Psalmist Doris

  My body grows old with sorrow
 and my years are filled with lamentations,
 my spirit fails because of my disease
 and my bones become brittle.

The Psalmist

Because of all my enemies,
 I am the utter contempt of my neighbors
I am a dread to my friends.

Psalmist Doris
 Because of  my enemies
  I am held with disdain by my neighbors
I am as an eyesore to my friends - something to be wary of

 The Psalmist
those who see me on the street flee from me

Psalmist Doris
to be found in my company would bring trouble

 The Psalmist
I am forgotten by them as though I were dead.

 Psalmist Doris
they marshal their thoughts so that there is no trace of me.

 The Psalmist
I have become like broken pottery.

Psalmist Doris
I have become something to be discarded and heaped upon
the nearest garbage

The Psalmist
For I hear the slander of many
  there is terror on every side.

Psalmist Doris
They speak in whispers lest those in power hear,
   for they are afraid and their bones shake inside their clothes.

The Psalmist
 they conspire against me and
  plot to take my life.

Psalmist Doris
 they congregate on street corners and make plans to
   do me harm.

Psalm 31

Psalmist
In you, O Lord I have taken refuge
  let me never be put to shame,
  deliver me in your righteousness.

Psalmist Doris
In you, O Lord I have fled to in my fright,
  my tears are numerous
  darkness is my solitaire
  deliver me from the depths of despair,
  O' Lord look upon me with kindness.

Psalmist
Turn your ear to me,
  come quickly to my rescue,
  be my rock of refuge,
  a strong fortress to save me.


Psalmist Doris
 Just glance in my direction
   a quick arm outstretched to protect
   is all that it takes, 
   it is true you are my knight,
   a lover whose arms encircle me.

Psalmist
Since you are my rock and my fortress,
  for the sake of your name lead and guide me,
  for you are my refuge. 

Psalmist Doris
O Lord you are my protector and knight
  for the sake of your love show me the way
  for you are my path.

Psalmist
 Into your hands I commit my spirit,
  redeem me, O Lord, the God of truth.

Psalmist Doris
 I can't say it better than the psalmist of old.

 Into your hands I commit my spirit ,
  redeem me, O Lord, the God of truth.


  Food of my Soul
  Love of my life.

 A M E N

A List

 1)   to not always speak
 2)   to not always be right.
 3)   to seek only God
 4)   to go away to a hidden place
 5)   to see the beauty in others
 6)   to see that God is not separate from me.
 7)   to know that when I pray - I am more or less
  praying to myself.
 8)   when we die, we judge ourselves.
 9)   to not be a harsh judge.
10)  to see Christ in creation.
11)  The Father, the Creator, begot the Son who is all that the Father is
The Word, The Son,  The Love between the Father and the Son is the
Holy Spirit.   Like a waterwheel going round in a circle continuous
flowing one into the other never ending.

No one can go to the Father except through the Son.

To know that there are others out there who love God more than me -
and not to be jealous of them - but to be happy for God.

It is up to me to search for the truth
to know God in my own deepest being.

To contemplate
and in the silence to hear on a different level
the voice of God.

When I contemplate
I hear nothing.
Nada.
I don't hear God speaking to me.
I hear no voices.
Not even my own.

It is only in the fruits of the day
that I attach myself to the silence from within.

It is only in my thoughts and actions of the
day - that I sense the unfathomable -
have the hinting that there is something
lurking beyond my imagination -
something unimaginable.

Oh God,
Help me to see you when I have
no thought of your presence.

Oh God,
 Help me to hear you when your voice is quiet
 and my ear is pressed to the wind.

Oh God,
 In your kindness - look down upon me,
and see this puny human who dares to beseech
that you send her your thoughts.

Again -

 See me for what I am - mold me in thine image,
and  let me reflect back to you the heart that beats
in my chest, dare I say your heart beats within me,
having been made so by the divine spark and glanced
by a tender blow of  your unfathomable love.   

You have no choice
but to accept me

You have no choice
but to love me

It was your choice
 in the beginning
 God made man
  and God rested and saw what he had created was good.

SO YOU SEE GOD I AM IN A WIN WIN SITUATION.
LOVE YOU.

A M E N

jesus the boy

Once upon a time there was a boy
named Jesus born to a Jewish couple
by the name of Mary and Joseph.

Mary was a stay at home mom
and Joseph found employment
as a carpenter and did hvac on
the side.

They were a middle class couple who bought 
a  modest home  in Maspeth, Queens.

The year was 2013

The house was made of brick 
and had a front deck which jutted out over 
the one car driveway.
At the beginning of  this summer Joseph bought two  round cement 
planters which he placed at various angles
on the stairs that found their way to their front deck.
 
The height of  the cement planter was about twenty  inches.   

The base of each planter was square and set on the ground approximately
four to six inches wide.  
The stem reached up from the base and had a narrow stance, but 
it became rounder as it  moved upward till it held the full girth of the box of the planter
and the eye would catch it as it wound itself round and round and formed itself into the lip of the circumference of the pot until the outer rim was a finished width of about fifteen or so inches.

The box of the planter's depth was five inches and Joseph would put into the
box a nice firm soil rich with  nutrients which he had made from a compost
of assorted items that he kept in the backyard.   

This compost were the innards of the round bowl.  It would feed the
flowers and give them life.

Joseph would then methodically set about doing the same thing with the 
second planter.

Earlier that week he had phoned Sam the neighborhood greenhouse owner to package 
some pink and white geraniums and to drop them off at the house.

Sam had obliged and Joseph had found the familiar packaging of the green and red 
bag with the weeping willow tree that was the signature of Sam's Greenhouse placed
outside of the garage door.

Joseph was happy and began to hum as he began to arrange 
the flowers in the planters.

He already knew that he would place one planter at  the first level  where the staircase
came to rest.   It was a square landing of three feet by three feet and then the red 
bricks of stairs would begin their ascent again and finish their upward swing  
to the full deck at the top.

Joseph then would place the second planter at the top of the stairs
and to the side so when you were coming up the stairs you were
caught by the beauty of the first planter and  then made the 
climb of six steps to the top where your eyes were greeted with the colors of 
the second planter.

Joseph stood back and admired his work.

"Hmm, something was missing," he thought.. 

Just at that moment Jesus was coming out of the house
and the screen door closed slowly and quietly behind him.

Jesus was Joseph's 13 year old son.

He caught his father just at that moment admiring his plants,
and Jesus couldn't help but smile at the man who had taught
him so much.

Joseph thought to himself that the white and pink colors were nice but the 
planter needed a splash of  cosmic color.

Joseph didn't hear Jesus behind him until he felt the  shadow 
of  Jesus' presence and heard the whisper that only his son could mouth, "nice job, dad."


"Yes, but it needs something, " Joseph thought.

Jesus smiled.  "Dad, what about these orange geraniums from the
greenhouse box?"

Joseph turned.

There were four plump orange geraniums peeping out from the 
greenhouse bag.

"Why, Jesus, that is just what is needed."  

"Yes," said Jesus.

"I must have missed them."

"Yes."

Happily Joseph planted the burst of orange geraniums amidst the pink and white
and the picture was complete.

Father and son admired the father's work.




A M E N


B

i pad

i finally got through on myi pad
hooray

Psalm 30

The Psalmist Says:

I will exalt you, O Lord,
  for you lifted me out of the depths
  and did not let my enemies gloat over me
O Lord, my God, I called to you for help
  and you healed me.
O Lord, you brought me up from the grave
  you spared me from going down into the pit.

 The Psalmist Doris Says:

I will adore you, O Lord,
  for you have saved my life
  and not let my old ways overtake me.
O Lord, my God,  I beseeched you
 and cried out your name in my darkest night
 and you touched me.
O Lord, you brought me up from the depths of despair
  you glanced my being with your love.

The Psalmist Says:

Sing to the Lord, you saints of his;
  praise his holy name.
For his anger lasts only a moment,
  but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may remain for a night
  but rejoicing comes in the morning.


The Psalmist Doris Says:
Shout to the Lord, you minions;
  in a voice of unison glorify his
  holy name.
For his disdain lasts only as far as the
  breath draws in,
  but his goodwill lasts eons,
darkness may remain for an evening
  but come morning the light of the sun rises once again,
  and the path of the day is well laid out.


A M E N 


 d

spirit guides

i haven't had any unusual spirit guides

i had my magic rock
when i was a kid

which was kind of like in myself
because i was kind of like putting
on the rock this magic which was a
projection of myself.

when i gave up the rock.

i turned toward the saints
francis, theresa, terese.

i was big on st. francis.

these days i think i am in communion with the
people that have passed into the next life

luke, my mon and dad, my sisters.


as far as being protected - i don't ask to be protected
from anything
.
it's usually i am asking that other people will be protected.
i am already protected. - not from consequences or from life just in general.

that's where my anxiety comes from
people that i am close to should know better
and they don't know better so i am afraid for
them - until i let it go.

we each have our own path.

and then the circle starts again.

I guess u could say my true self is my spirit guide.
and my friendship with Jesus Christ is my spirit guide.
I like to be with him and just be in his presence.


The most important thing to remember is that I have
a true self that is just there waiting to reveal herself
to me in all my actions, sayings and doings.


I contemplate so as long as i do that
I always remember
my true self is with me all the time

it seems to have become my food for the day..
 
your true self wants u to know that u are on the
right path.

Jesus

Today is the 13th
Sunday
The Baptism of Jesus by John the Baptist.

This is the second Sunday in a row that
I have been moved to tears while at mass.
I hurriedly brush away my tears so no one
can see..

This is what I came to realize today
but
I don't know if the realization is
dogmatically correct.

There is the Father, Son, (Word) and Holy Spirit.

The Father is forever creating
can't help himself

In this creating he brings forth the Son who is a reflection/all that the Father is,
distinct in Person.  The love that is reflected between Father and Son
is the Holy Spirit.

It is like the buckets in a waterwheel - they constantly spill into each other
so too do Father and Word and the Spirit is the love between them, constant, never changing, always filling. 

I used to think and I logged  this somewhere -
that our alikeness with God was the word person.
my alikeness with God was the word person.


I am a Person
God is a Person
Allbeit in the catholic religion - three Persons.

I thought Person was the connection.
I am a Person
God is a Person

however -
that is not the case.

There is no way that I can know God as Person
His Person is not the same as me
He is indefinable.

I don't know about unknowable -
anyway --

Jesus is created in time.
The Second Person - Word is created in time.
Jesus.

Jesus has two natures
human  - he eats, drinks
 and
divine  - water becomes wine.

okay

so here goes

sooooo
when John the Baptist baptized Jesus
in the river
the Father parted the clouds in the sky
and said this is my beloved son - I am well pleased.

Jesus truly human
Jesus truly divine.

The Father took the human and the divine
The Godhead was ever changed.
The Father was ever changed.
The Word (Son) was ever changed.
and the Spirit was ever changed - the love between Father and Son.

Jesus said
Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father

sooooo
my connection with God is born through Jesus Christ
Christ is my connection to the Father.
Jesus said,
Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father.

And this is what I learned today.
My appreciation of Jesus Christ was even more.
He is my connection.


When Jesus was crucified
He didn't have any clothes on

He hung there in His nakedness
alone
comforted by a few of his disciples
and the women who loved him.

The two Mary's were there.  Maybe three Mary's.

Mary his mother
and
Lazarus' sister,
Mary, whose rapt attention was always wrapped in his Jesus' presence.
I thought -

at least she was there to be with him.
Good for her.
Bravo.
You did for Him what others couldn't
You just were.
Just to Be - that's your gift.

A M E N